Jokes
Targets!
One motorist jumped a red signal.
Taking advantage of it, another five motorists behind him followed and jumped the signal.
Cops standing on the other side left the first motorist but caught the other five who had followed him and collected the fine.
One among them furiously asked a cop why they didn't stop the first motorist.
Cop says, "He is our Marketing person". His job is to jump the signals to tempt you guys so that we reach our annual collection target.
*March* mahina hai boss …
CA as a Cricketer!
Once a CA got selected in Indian Cricket Team!
He raised his bat on scoring 40 runs and again on 60 runs!
Sachin tells him “It’s not a 50 or 100″.
CA says “Tumhe kya pata, ONLY a CA can understand the importance of scoring 40 and 60!!”
Sachin shocked, CA rocked!
Battling Salons
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place.
They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"
Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"
Sworn to Tell the Truth
The judge warned the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?”
“I do.”
“Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?”
“Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”
A CA and two of his articles were going for Bank Audit.
On the way, God appeared and asked what gift do you want?
First Article: I wish to go Singapore with a lot of money.
God sent him to Singapore with lots of money.
Second Article: I wish to go to Switzerland with lots of money.
God sent him to Switzerland,
CA's turn: I want those two idiots before lunchtime.
God fulfilled his Desire
Moral: Let your boss speak first!
Justice Triumphs
A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client, who had attended the trial, was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client.
The lawyer immediately sent a message to his client, reading, "Justice has triumphed!"
The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"
Goodbye Disney
As a family was leaving Disney World, the daughter waved and said, "Goodbye Minnie!"
The son waved and said, "Goodbye Mickey!"
The father of the two kids waved and said, "Goodbye money!"
Once a CA and an Engineer got into an argument.
The Engineer got angry and said to the CA ”I will wrap you in thermo hydrolite and throw you with a speed of E=mc2 (square) ".
CA replied, "For E=mc2(square), you will require to have an atomic blast by importing Uranium and building a nuclear reactor, in your case,
– You don’t have licence to import Uranium
– To Build nuclear reactor u need finance and you don’t have that financial institution in India will provide you that,
– You don’t have government approval for an atomic blast,
– by the time the notification for approval of blast we will be dead already.
so your threat is good to hear but practically not feasible and not at all viable when the provided data is taken into account.
Engineer shocked, CA Rocked…!!
Thanks for Your Help, Judge
The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and issues his judgement. "Mr Smith, I am going to give your wife $750 a month."
Mr. Smith's replies, "That's very nice of you, judge. And every once in a while I will send her a little extra too."
Father: Tumhare CA k Result ka kya hua?
Son: Headmaster ka beta fail ho gaya,
Father: Aur tum…??
Son: Doctor ka beta Bhi fail ho gaya,
Father: Aur tumhara result kaisa Aaya….??
Son: Wo Wakeel Ka Beta Bhi fail Ho gya,
Father: Mai tera puch raha hun
Son: To Aap konse Rajnikant Ho, Aapka Beta Bhi Fail Hai.
CA student: Hamari ki koi ni sunta…
Jin: Hukum mere aakka!!
CA student: Mere har subject mein 100 marks aane chahiye aur mein ICAI ka president ban jau.
Jin: aakka! hukum kro, bakwaas mat karo!!
A bank clerk is talking with her colleague. "I think now-a-days my beauty has been decreasing."
"Why do you think that?" asked the colleague.
"The men who are withdrawing cash at my counter are actually counting their money."
"What would be the first thing you'd do if you had hydrophobia?" one resident doctor ask another.
"I'd ask for a pencil and paper," replied the other doctor.
"To make your last will?"
"No, to make a list of the people I want to bite."
A man enters the kitchen, opens the sugar box, looks inside and closes it.
He does it again and again. Why?
Because the doctor told him to check his sugar levels regularly.
Two friends met on the street after not having seen each other for some time, One of them was on crutches.
"Hello!" said the other man. "Why are you on crutches?"
"Car accident," said the man on crutches.
"When did that happen?"
"Oh, about six weeks ago."
"And you still have to be on crutches?"
"Well, my doctor says I could get along without them. My lawyer says I can't."
Cost of Lawyer
Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this morning, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer."
Friend: "Did he keep it?"
Pickpocket: "He thinks he did."
A New Year Resolution
“Are you making any New Year’s Resolutions?” my friend asked.
“Yes. I’ve resolved to stop playing so much polo,” I remarked.
“Since when have you been playing polo?"
“Never. But I figured that is one resolution I could keep!”