A bank clerk is talking with her colleague. "I think now-a-days my beauty has been decreasing."
"Why do you think that?" asked the colleague.
"The men who are withdrawing cash at my counter are actually counting their money."
"What would be the first thing you'd do if you had hydrophobia?" one resident doctor ask another.
"I'd ask for a pencil and paper," replied the other doctor.
"To make your last will?"
"No, to make a list of the people I want to bite."
A man enters the kitchen, opens the sugar box, looks inside and closes it.
He does it again and again. Why?
Because the doctor told him to check his sugar levels regularly.
Two friends met on the street after not having seen each other for some time, One of them was on crutches.
"Hello!" said the other man. "Why are you on crutches?"
"Car accident," said the man on crutches.
"When did that happen?"
"Oh, about six weeks ago."
"And you still have to be on crutches?"
"Well, my doctor says I could get along without them. My lawyer says I can't."
Cost of Lawyer
Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this morning, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer."
Friend: "Did he keep it?"
Pickpocket: "He thinks he did."
A New Year Resolution
“Are you making any New Year’s Resolutions?” my friend asked.
“Yes. I’ve resolved to stop playing so much polo,” I remarked.
“Since when have you been playing polo?"
“Never. But I figured that is one resolution I could keep!”